Three Taboo Topics

"Women basically want the same thing--a good passionate story, a great fantasy--and for our partners to do the laundry and the washing up." ~ E.L.James

They say there are three things you should never discuss on a cruise ship. Lest you offend your fellow travelers, don't bring up politics or religion. The other no-no is... 

That's right. Let's face it, we tend to swallow anything hook, line, and sinker if it's attached to whatever.com. If you believe what you read on the internet, the homely art of cleaning your clothes can become serious trouble on a cruise ship. Here are just a few of the apocryphal stories I've stumbled across about happenings over a sea-going lint trap.

• Two couples got into a shoving match so loud and unruly over whose turn it was to use the next available machine, they were all offloaded at the next port by the captain's order. No refunds. No bon voyage. 
• One lady's dress went missing in the launderette, but she found it the next evening...on another woman! 
• One lady brought her own OUT OF ORDER sign which she'd put on one of the machines to make sure it would be available for her use when she brought her laundry basket down. 
• One gentleman removed a load from the washer after waiting for more than twenty minutes for its owner to return and take care of it. The items turned out to be lady's unmentionables, so when the lady returned for her dainties, she was incensed that a stranger had "pawed through" her undies. A slap ensued. She too found herself escorted off the ship at the next port.

These things may or may not have actually happened, but we're not taking chances. We plan to pay to send some of our things out to the ship's laundry. On our 30 day cruise last year, we did this with undies and a few things that had been pre-shrunk with great success. I figure who wants to spend a lot of time doing the wash on a cruise ship, so we've budgeted an appropriate amount to pay for sending out laundry. (If we had a higher status with Princess, we'd get free laundry service, but we don't have enough "at sea credits" for that yet.)

However, most of my clothes have never been washed in hot water and don't know what the inside of a drying looks like. The ship's laundry uses hot water and very high temperatures in their dryers. Unless I miraculously lose 50 pounds before we sail, I can't afford for my wardrobe to shrink. 

So...some of our things will get special treatment in our bathroom sink. And if we time it right, we may be able to sneak into the self-service launderette to do a delicate load on a port day afternoon when most folks are still on their excursions. Or, being early risers, we might be able to wash a load before breakfast sometime.  

We plan to pack this handy-dandy over the door hanger to grace our bathroom door. It holds a goodly number of items to air dry. I've read that draping wet things over our balcony furniture is a total no-no. As they dry they're likely to become airborne!    

Since a good bit of our itinerary is in tropical climes, we can't count on re-wearing outfits. I remember being drenched to the skin after an excursion on Tahiti last April--and it wasn't raining! So doing laundry will be a necessity for us. 

We're just hoping to keep it civilized. To that end, I'd love to see Princess post a few rules about using the launderette. These laundry etiquette tips would do the trick:

1. Don’t leave your clothes unattended. It's the only way to make sure nobody else touches them!
2. If somebody ignores rule number one, wait about 15 minutes after the cycle ends to remove their clothes and place them neatly above the machine. Not in a soggy lump on the floor.
3. Use only the recommended amount of detergent and bleach in the machine. Nobody wants to live through a rerun of an I Love Lucy disaster.
4. Wait until the wash cycle is over before claiming a dryer. Duh!
5. Clean out the lint trap. Unless, of course, you enjoy cycling your things through the dryer 5 or 6 times.
6. Leave the machine open when you’re done. That's right, guys. This is one time it's okay to leave the lid up!
7. Bring something to do while you're waiting. Your Kindle, a basket of knitting, a deck of cards... something! Remember, a bored husband is a danger to himself and others.

I'd love for more experienced cruisers to share their laundry thoughts. I know it's a touchy subject on the ship, but we're not there yet. So it's okay. 

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