Will the Real James Bond Please Stand Up?

There are plenty of action heroes out there, but only James Bond is that quintessential paradox--a civilized beast. He can hobnob with heads of state, take out uber-villains and their freakish minions, and set feminine hearts aflutter with a single glance. And he does it with style and understated elegance.

It’s the tuxedo.

At least, I think that’s a big part of his appeal. There’s nothing quite as pulled together as a gentleman in a well-tailored tux. That may be why my DH agreed with Bond-like lightning reflexes when I suggested we buy a tux for him to take on our RTW cruise instead of trying to rent one for formal nights.

He ended up with a wonderful Calvin Klein tux and he looks fabulous in it. There’s just one problem.

He’s never tied a bowtie in his life.

So being a Google retiree, he went online looking for some YouTube help. He found this hysterical video featuring Jesse Tyler Ferguson (from Modern Family)



And once the DH picked himself off the floor because he was laughing so hard, he experimented on his own. After some trial and error, here’s what he came up with:



Now, bear in mind, this is not his tux shirt. That one has a teensy collar that seems to be required to affect the totally pulled together Bond look. My DH was just practicing on tying the tie. I think he did a pretty good job for the first time. They say if there’s a little imbalance, it only proves you are wearing a proper, hand-tied bow tie. (Not one of those clip on cheats!)

And no, Mom, the painting behind him isn’t crooked. It’s just the angle of the picture!



However, a bow tie is not a sovereign remedy for all fashion ills. Even Mack (our black and white terrier) seems to realize it won’t dress up camo shorts and gym socks!

Well, maybe the painting is a little crooked...



Well, what do you know? The painting looks perfectly straight in this photo. Back to the DH...

And at the end of a long evening of revelry on the Pacific Princess, as we make our way back to our cabin, the DH can untie his bow tie and let the ends dangle rakishly askew. Again, the reason this will be such a good look is that it’s once again proof that he did battle with a real bow tie and ultimately emerged the victor!

That’s James Bond enough for me.

~~~

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Can You Hear Me Now?

Communication is a big deal to us. Sure, it’ll be great to get away, but we still want to be able to connect with our family and friends back home.

Chances are very good we won’t be using our cellphones while we’re on the cruise once we leave Honolulu, except as cameras on airplane mode. I’ve heard horror stories about ginormous bills because of roaming charges on incoming texts, many of which might not even be of interest. Our carrier doesn’t offer international service at all, so trying to get some phone minutes would mean changing cell phone providers. Not really an option we want to pursue. So messaging on Facebook, emails, and this blog is going to be our best bet for staying in contact with our loved ones, and the outside world.

But internet access on the ship will be spotty at best and surely expensive, so I’m experimenting with ways to limit the amount of time I actually spend online.


To write this post today, I’m using Open Live Writer. It’s an offline program that was already installed on my computer, so I’m giving it a go. I’m hoping I can add photos to posts using this program.

If what I’m doing is correct, you should see the delightfully demented Disney fish, Dory, in a pic to the right. If not, I need to experiment a bit more.

So one way or another, this blog will become an important way to keep in touch.

And in case of a total emergency, we can always pay for a ship-to-shore phone call, but we want to avoid that if we can. It’s $49.50 for ten minutes.

With our luck, we’d just get to leave some very expensive messages on our loved ones’ answering machines! 

~~~~

Ok, here are the results of this experiment. The post you see above has been gently massaged, not automatically published as I'd hoped. When I tried to publish the post, I got an error message. So I copied and pasted it with limited success. My words all made the transition, but I had to go through and re-paragraph it. No image was captured at all. It seems I'll have to add photos online.

Unless there's an experienced blogger out there who can help me troubleshoot how I'm using Open Live Writer, I'm not sure it will be more time efficient than writing a Word document offline and then copying and pasting.  

Any suggestions? 

Leaving Land Life Behind

The idea of running away and jumping on a ship is such a romantic notion. But no one ever dwells much on the amount of planning involved in leaving ordinary life for 94 days. We've been adding to our "To-Do Before We Cruise" list almost every day.

Here's what we have so far:

1. House stuff: We kind of lucked out on this one because #2 Daughter will be here, living in the house, taking care of routine cleaning, maintenance and the all important dog sitting. So we don't need to stop the mail, but we've been having a number of discussions about how to decide if the mail we receive is important enough for her to email us about it or if she can just chuck it. (Personally, I don't want to come home to a stack of pre-approved credit applications or invitations to change my cable provider.)


2. Punting on volunteer jobs/activities: My DH is the treasurer for our local camp of Gideons,so he'll need to hand that off to another fellow in January. We'll have to let our choir director know we'll be gone for Easter, in case that changes what he decides to do for that season. We also won't be able to sing in the community choir's spring concert. (One of the many things we're looking forward to on the Pacific Princess is singing with David Crathorne!)

     

3. Pre-pay yearly bills. We have a few things, like our RV storage rent & municipal taxes, that come due in the first few months of the year. Those will have to be settled before we leave. I hope I don't forget something important. Oh! And we must file for an extension on our state and federal income taxes too! 

4. Set up auto-payments. How did we live before online banking? We have a few bills that are regular enough to set and forget. I'm still not sure how to handle the ones that fluctuate from month to month. We may have to pick an arbitrary figure higher than the normal amount and just build up a balance while we're gone.

5. Update our 'What if' file. Before we went on our 30 day trip to Tahiti last year, we "put our affairs in order." We've tried to organize all our important papers in one place so, if the worst should happen, our daughters don't have to go on a scavenger hunt for them. It's good to give the papers a look-see in case something may have changed. (Like because my DH thought he needed to trade trucks, for example!)

And though my DH and I are technically retired, i.e. not receiving a regular paycheck any more, we still have to manage our businesses. For the DH, it's making sure everything is in place to take care of our tenants should there be an issue with our rental property in our absence. Again, it involves making sure #2 Daughter has access to all the keys, tenant contact info, and numbers for repair and tradesmen we regularly use.

For me, it means making sure I honor the deadlines in my contracts with Kensington, my publisher. Contrary to what you may believe if you watched Castle, books do not write themselves over a leisurely weekend in the Hamptons. Sometimes, it's more perspiration than inspiration. 

When I signed my current contracts, I planned on an easy one and a half books a year. So far in 2017, I've turned in one complete manuscript (THE SINGULAR MR. SINCLAIR written under my Mia Marlowe pen name), and finished the revisions my editor suggested. I'll see that one again in a couple of months once the copy editor has had her way with it. In the meantime, I'm working on A COLDWATER WARM HEARTS CHRISTMAS for my Lexi Eddings pen name. 

If writing two different genres under two pen names sounds a little schizophrenic, try listening to Christmas music to get into the holiday mood while it's 90 degrees outside! 

Welcome to my wacky writing world.

The Christmas book isn't due until next January, but I plan to turn it in by October, hoping to be able to at least get through the revision process before I board the Pacific Princess next January. I'll have internet on the ship, but I've heard it's insanely slow. I can't imagine how long it would take to download a 85,000 word document. I'm hoping to get the copy editor to do her thing on that one prior to our boarding too. 

Mack & me in the writing position. 

Which brings me to Book #3. I'm contracted to deliver 2 titles for the House of Lovell series (of which THE SINGULAR MR. SINCLAIR is the first.) This second book isn't technically due until May 2018, but while I wouldn't mind doing revisions and playing with a finished manuscript while we're on the cruise, pressing ahead on an as yet unformed story is not my idea of a fun sea day. So I've devised a writing schedule that should let me type THE END before we board on January 22nd. 

And no, it does not involve a weekend in the Hamptons. It means plopping my bottom down six days a week to flesh out three books in one calendar year. 

Maybe Castle wrote faster than me... 

But these are some of the things we need to accomplish before we leave our land life behind for three months. 

What would you need to do if you were suddenly going to be gone for 94 days?

~~~

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Jumping Through Hoops

The British invented bureaucracy and the Indians perfected it.
~ Anonymous

Can't say I disagree.

The Pacific Princess will call at Cochin and Mumbai next spring, so the DH and I need Indian visas. By the way, even if we elected not to leave the ship, we'd still need a visa because we'll be docked in Indian waters. In fact, if we don't have a valid visa prior to embarkation in LA, we will be denied boarding. 

With no refund.

So, an Indian visa is an imperative. 

At first we thought we'd be able to swing by the Indian Consulate in Atlanta on our way to my writers' convention in Orlando next month and take care of the matter with one quick in-person visit. 

Nope.

We'd have to reside in one of the southeastern states in order to make use of that consulate. Our consulate would be the one in Chicago, which is still a hard day's drive away. Oh, wait! We can't even apply for a visa at that consulate because the government of India has outsourced all visa applications to a third party, CKGS. 

So, after several fits and starts, my DH finished filling out our Indian visa applications and on Wednesday, June 28th, we sent off our package of supporting documents to CKGS, the official go-between for the Indian government. The fact that it wasn't shipped back immediately gives us hope that we've done everything correctly.

The application is a very frustrating process. My DH retired from Google and even he was ready to chuck the computer out the window a few times. You start on the CKGS site, then switch to the Government of India site, and then you hit the spot where the online questionaire asks if you want to make an appointment. BTW, there is no real appointment. That's code for "It's time to click back to the CKGS site."

If you ever have to apply for an Indian Visa, here are a few tips:

1. Allow pop-ups. If you don't, you won't be able to complete the document.
2. Plan on trying more than once. It took my DH 3 tries to get it all done within the prescribed time limit. (Yes, this is a timed test.) 
3. You'll need your original passport and a photo copy of it, a photo copy of your drivers license, a copy of your marriage license (I needed to show ours to explain my name change 41 years ago!), a recent passport type picture that adheres to their stringent requirements (See the photo rules below!).
4. They ask which countries you've visited in the last 10 years. (I hope one of them is not Pakistan. They don't seem to like Pakistanis a lot!) 
5. They ask if you, your parents, or grandparents are Pakistani. (Don't know what happens if you say yes, but I suspect you won't like it. Fortunately, my DH's ancestors were Vikings, and my people came to America from England back in the 1600's. Which tells me they were probably in trouble in the Old Country, but at least the old country won't get me in trouble for my Indian visa.)
6. The application asks if you have any distinguishing physical characteristics. (The site itself recommends you put "none.")
7. You will need an Indian address and phone number where you can be reached while you're in the country. We used the address of the port in Cochin and the 800 number for Princess and crossed our fingers. 

Submitting the application cost $155 a piece, including shipping which is part of their process. They caution against using Fed-Ex. Evidently it gums up the works for them.

Then there was the matter of getting new pictures for our Indian visas. There are several requirements for HOW this picture is to look.

1. It cannot be the same image as your passport photo.
2. We must be wearing a solid color top (not black or white) in front of a light background.
3. The shot must be taken from straight on. (No overhead, slimming selfies, please!)
4. If you wear glasses, you must wear glasses in the photo, but you must make sure there's no glare from the glasses in the photograph, so tip your head slightly up or down. (NOT side to side.)
5. The picture must be 2 inches X 2 inches. 

July 3rd Update

It seems our Indian visa applications have been to the consulate and are now back in CKGS's custody being "sorted." The good thing about working with CKGS is that they have notified us by email at each step along the way--when our online application was accepted, when they received the packet with our paper docs & passports, when it had been reviewed and sent to the consulate, and now when the application is in the queue to be shipped back to us. 

July 6th Update!  

Two slim UPS packages arrived on our doorstep just before 5:00 this evening. We now have shiny new Indian visas in our hot little hands. Well, to be honest, they're in our passports, but you get the jist. 

This whole process reminded me of dealing with the Vogons from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. (In case you missed either the book or movie, Vogons are the inter-planetary bureaucrats who live for forms in triplicate and for whom denial is a knee jerk response.)

But, true to the spirit of Hitchhikers, we DON'T PANIC.

Instead, I try to take a different point of view. I suspect a visitor from another country finds getting a USA visa just as daunting. And maybe it's even worse, depending on where you're coming from. 

India is a sovereign nation. They have every right to regulate who comes into their country. I have nothing but curiosity and gratitude in my heart about visiting India, especially since my favorite book of all time THE FAR PAVILIONS by MM Kaye is set there. Others may not feel so friendly toward India. They are right to scrutinize their visitors. If we have to work a little harder for the privilege of an Indian visa, we'll be that much more appreciative when we actually see Mumbai and Cochin.    

But the whole tediousness getting visas proved that Thornton Wilder was so right. "Whenever you get near the human race, there's layers and layers of nonsense."

Trying Not to be an Ugly American

“Please be a traveler, not a tourist. Try new things, meet new people, and look beyond what’s right in front of you. Those are the keys to understanding this amazing world we live in.”
~ Andrew Zimmern

I love my country. Every time we've traveled abroad, I've had a wonderful, enriching time, but I still felt a sense of relief when the wheels touch down on American soil. The U.S.A. has its share of problems, but we have also been incredibly blessed. It's home.

Don't get me wrong. I'm fascinated by other cultures. It's the old urge to peek over the neighbor's fence. I want to understand how people in other countries think, how they live and worship and work and raise their families. And I've traveled enough to realize they don't care how we do it here. What they have works for them and it's not my job to mess with that. I'm a guest in their country, which means while I'm there, I'll play by their rules.

We've felt incredibly welcome everywhere we've gone, but there have been times when I failed to be a good ambassador of the US. Like when we were in Tokyo and I didn't learn until the second day that it was rude of me to accept a card from someone with only one hand. When I fixed my faux pas, I was rewarded with a shy smile from the concierge at our hotel. And maybe she realized this American didn't intend to cause offense.

So while we're on our RoundTheWorld cruise, my goal is to learn enough about each of the places we'll visit so that I will be a traveler instead of a tourist. Here are a few things I will NOT be doing:

1. Dressing in ways that are offensive to the culture I'm visiting.  If I'm visiting a holy site, I'll  wear long pants instead of capris. My necklines will be modest. A sarong wrapped around my waist may be required for entrance into some temples. I plan to take a number of  scarves so I can cover my head as needed. I don't need to share someone else's beliefs in order to show respect for those beliefs.
2. Flashing a lot of cash or wearing a lot of jewelry.  There's no need to tempt someone. I'll leave my rings on the ship. Between my DH and myself, we'll have a couple of different places on our persons where we'll keep small amounts of local currency. 
3. Expecting to find American food and conveniences everywhere we go. Honestly, I read the blog of one world cruiser who took the same excursion in every port. They went in search of margarita pizza and beer. In. Every. Port.  
4. Violating the law of the country we're visiting. It's against the law to feed pigeons in Singapore. No joke. Tossing the remains of a sandwich to the feathered rats could net us a $500 fine! We will be on our best behavior abroad.
5. Not learning a few local phrases. I hope to return home knowing how to say "Hello," "Please," and "Thank you," in the language of every country we visit. It's not much, but at least I won't assume the people I meet can understand English as ...long ...as ...I ...speak...it...very...slowly.

I won't forget that I am the face of my country when I travel, and may well be the only American some people will ever meet. My goal is to be inquisitive but respectful, friendly but not pushy, and unfailingly polite.

And I'll tip well everywhere I go. I still remember the response I got from our guide in Bora Bora last year after we gave him considerably more than he asked for our tour. He promoted me to the status of "Queen" in his effusive praise. Guess I seriously over-tipped him, but I'm not sorry. 

Why shouldn't I hold what God has given me with an open hand?

~~~

Dad and Charlie

Happy Independence Day! 

We'll be celebrating the 4th of July with family and friends at our home. We'll have an All-American cook-out, card games and celebrate my dad's 82nd birthday! He says he never remembers having a birthday as a kid where he didn't also have burned fingers. 

If your family celebrates with fireworks, stay safe out there! My daughters complain that I used to make them wear oven mitts when they did sparklers. Maybe, but they both still have ten lovely fingers! 

The Big Why

"There are two great days in a person's life--the day we are born, and the day we discover why." ~ William Barclay

Most of my posts here on RoundTheWorldWriter have been about how we'll go around the world. In the months to come, I'll share every bit of our planning, packing and preparing. Once we board the Pacific Princess next January, I hope you'll still be with me, following our adventures as we circumnavigate the globe.

But I haven't written much about why we're going on the three month voyage. To answer that question, I'm borrowing a post I wrote last month for my Second Wind blog. (This is the place where I share what it's like to live with a chronic lung condition in the hopes that I'll encourage someone else who may be struggling with a health issue.)

Anyway, here's my... 

Big Why

I'm dating myself a bit, but when I was a kid, Carly Simon was singing "These are the good old days." At the time, I wondered what she meant.

Now I know.

It means we need to be aware of our blessings and thankful for today. For me, that means being glad that I can still walk on the treadmill, to be grateful to live at a time when I have the right meds to help keep my lung condition stable and to bless God for "Herkimer," my faithful oxygen concentrator. That little machine on wheels keeps my world from collapsing on itself.

And speaking of my world, I'm about to see a whole lot more of it. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this--my DH and I booked a world cruise! I kid you not. We're going all the way around the earth.

We've been toying with the idea for a while, especially since I did well on our 30 day cruise to Tahiti last year. But we didn't think we'd be able to do a world cruise till about 2021.

That didn't stop me from dreaming. And planning. And lurking on cruise line websites, comparing itineraries, prices, number of days.Then Princess had a sudden drop in their fares. By that I mean the fare for both of us was less than it would cost to buy a new car.

We decided to not to wait any longer.

We had to do some financial fancy footwork, but this is the right time to go for lots of reasons:

1. We got a great price on our fares.
2. We have the money to pay for it now. (I heard one horror story about a couple who MORTGAGED THEIR HOUSE to pay for a world cruise. They'd never even been on a 7 day voyage before and they were miserable the whole time. So sad...)
3. My parents are in excellent health, our grown children well and employed
4. Our little dogs are both fine and will be well cared for by one of our daughters.
5. And finally, the most compelling reason to go now is that my NSIP seems to be stable.  

My lung function was the same or slightly better the last time I was tested at Mayo Clinic. With supplemental O2, I'm able to walk a mile on the treadmill in less than 30 minutes. When I'm at home, I can often move slowly around the house to cook, do laundry, etc without needing Herkimer (you can make out a little of him in the picture to the left. It's like taking a carry-on roller bag with me when I'm out and about.) If I'm seated, my O2 sats are in the high 90's just like everybody else.

But NSIP is considered a progressive condition with a life expectancy of 5-13 years after diagnosis, if you believe everything you read on the internet (which I almost never do!)

Anyway, I'm on year 7.

Please don't feel sorry for me. I don't. I live a blessed life and I know it. Besides, I fully intend on breaking through that 13 year statistic and skewing the curve all to pieces. Only God knows when my expiration date is. But I do know that now is all any of us really have. And I'm determined to keep my now as active and adventurous as I can for as long as I can.

When I was in my twenties, my DH had to take a business trip to Honolulu. Of course, I tagged along. We visited the Polynesian Cultural Center and snorkeled in lovely Hanauma Bay. I rode the public bus all over Honolulu. I learned to surf at Waikiki.

And while 20-something me was having a ball on the beach, I happened to see an older couple at the edge of the sand. She was in a wheel chair and he was wearing an oxygen cannula as he pushed her along. I felt so sad for them. To be in such a beautiful place and not to be able to do all the things my young healthy body could do struck me as almost cruel.

I think about it a little differently now. Even with their obvious health challenges, that couple was still on the beach. They were still going, albeit much slower. They were still exploring, still venturing out of their comfort zone to see what's out there.

That nameless couple are kind of my heroes.

Next January, when I feel the sands of Waikiki between my toes again, I'll be thinking of them.

~~~

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