The TSA & Other Things that Go Bump in the Night...

 "The TSA is such low-hanging fruit. I mean, anybody can bash the TSA." ~ Kane

Guilty as charged, Your Honor. 

I have grumbled and complained about my unhappy experiences in the TSA line several times on this blog. Because I travel with Herkimer (my POC--portable oxygen concentrator) I expect extra scrutiny, but no matter what I do, I make them so nervous I'm always pulled aside for additional aggravation. It really embarrasses me to be singled out in this way, but there's no help for it.

If I tell them I can unplug the cannula (read: the plastic nosepiece and 4-7 feet of tubing) from my device to walk the few steps through the x-ray machine like everyone else, that's not good enough. I've been asked to deposit my see-through plastic cannula into one of those filthy grey bins (where everyone else's shoes and stuff have been) so they can x-ray it separately instead of going through the machine with it still hanging on my face. (What about "see-through" makes them think it needs to be x-rayed in the first place?) I plan on throwing away the cannula I arrive at the airport with and putting on a fresh one once I make it through the TSA gauntlet.

And if I remain attached to my POC, I can expect a full body pat-down, but there is often no one available to tend to me immediately and the cogs of the inspection line grind inexorably on, so the DH has to pass on through without me and wait on the other side. When someone finally comes to make sure I haven't tucked a bomb in my pants, I am usually asked to remove the battery on my POC for inspection. Then the device itself, along with my spare batteries, are examined and tested for bomb-making residue. Perhaps this level of handsy-ness will be less in the time of Covid-19, but I doubt it.

As a traveler whose health situation creates questions that call for additional invasion of my person, I am also low-hanging fruit.

But the truth is, the people who work in the TSA lines are just doing their jobs the best way they know how and their goal really is my safety. They don't see portable oxygen concentrators every day, even though mine are fully FAA approved for use on airplanes. So they have to ramp up their due diligence when I fly. 

While I won't be able to head off the inevitable frufurrah over Herkimer, I can at least have all the rest of my TSA rocks in a row. There are a few changes from the last time I flew (August 2019) so I need to be ready.

1. Arrive earlier than I think we need to. Our flight doesn't leave until after 4PM, but we'll start the 4 hour drive to St. Louis at 9AM just to be on the safe side. Three hours early is quite a bit, but what if we have a flat? Or need to stop for some other reason? Detours? Traffic once we hit the city? Better to have a lot of extra time built into our schedule than wish for more.
2. The TSA doesn't want to touch my passport. I'm supposed to hold it up, open to the correct page for their inspection. Then when they tell me to (and not until!), I'm to lower my mask so they can actually see my face. Masks are required in airports and on flights at all times regardless of vaccination status. Okay. Those are the rules and if I want to fly, I must abide by them without complaining.
3. I'm not old enough to leave my shoes on, so I'll wear slip-ons to and from Seattle. Into the filthy grey bin they go! (Note to self: Wear thick socks. Public floors in high traffic areas are generally nasty beyond belief.)  
4. The liquids rule is still in place. All my deodorant, toothpaste, toner, moisturizer--anything that drips, smears or spreads--has to fit neatly into a clear quart bag which is removed from my bag and placed in the aforementioned filthy grey bin. And each item's container can be no more than 3.4 oz. (Even if there's only a little bit left in a bigger container, it'll be confiscated. It's the size of the container that counts.) If I was still taking the liquid medicine I used to, it would not count in this presentation of liquids. Neither does hand-sanitizer or distilled water, but if I travel with them, both would need to be removed from the bag and placed next to my shoes in the Filthy Grey Bin. (It will be easier if I just refer to it as FGB from now on...)
5. I no longer have to send my cellphone through the x-ray machine. My laptop or tablet needs to be removed from my carry-on and placed in the FGB, along with Herkimer, my POC, but they don't want to see the inside of my cellphone. However, they don't want me to leave it in my pocket either. I'm supposed to send it through the machine inside my carry-on. TSA wants me to have NOTHING in my pockets. They are serious as a heart attack about this. Last time I went through TSA, they got excited about a couple of cough drops. 
6. If I am carrying food on the plane, that's okay. I just need to put it in a clear plastic bag and have it ready for inspection, like my liquids, in the FGB. We have a relatively short connection in Phoenix on our way to Seattle, so I plan to take some Atkins meal bars and Sargento cheese sticks for everyone in our party.
7. Smile. Comply with any and all requests from the TSA agent in front of me. Be pleasant! This will be my mantra as I make my way through the TSA line on September 24th (A day before we embark the Norwegian Encore. It's always good to be in the port city a day ahead of time!) They aren't trying to ruin my day. They are trying to keep the traveling public safe. 

I've really been enjoying Travel Tips by Laurie on Youtube. She's a pilot's wife who flies with carry-on's only for all their trips, so she's a packing wizard! But she also shares the straight skinny for how to get through TSA in this little video. I'm sure that since she filmed this, the rules have changed several times. The main thing is just to listen, comply, and try not to make myself memorable as I make my way through the dreaded TSA line. There's always a certain amount of anxiety when I'm traveling to the port city to catch my ship. I never believe it'll actually happen until I'm there. But being aware of what's likely to happen prior to boarding the plane will help take some of the frantic out of my travel day.