"Never go on trips with anyone you do not love," ~ Ernest Hemingway
Usually sea days are pretty unremarkable, but a couple of things happened that I find myself thinking about long after the moments passed.
The first was terribly distressing. We'd met up with Kristy and David and had a lovely supper together in The Restaurant. Our entertainment was a tribute singer who specialized in Adele songs. Don't hate me, but I am not a fan. When Adele sings, I feel like she's either yelling or yodeling at me. I figured someone pretending to be her would be even worse.
So the DH and I suggested a trip to Deck 9 to see if we could make out any southern constellations. Our friend David is a very knowledgeable astronomer. This is one of his photographs of the Horsehead Nebula in Orion's belt taken with his beloved telescope, "Stellina." So we knew we'd have a great guide for this little adventure.
But before we could board the lift for Deck 9, we met another couple coming out of the elevator. Sadly, the old gentleman seemed confused and unable to push his wheeled walker in a way that was safe. His arms stretched forward, but his feet didn't want to follow. His female companion was visibly frustrated with him, and abandoned him, disappearing around the corner muttering under her breath as she went. The DH and David came alongside the man, supporting him so he wouldn't fall, and asked him where he wanted to go.
"I don't know," he said softly. I slipped around the corner to where the hostess station for the Restaurant was, to see if a wheelchair could be called for him. The woman was there, fuming about how he should have brought his scooter. She returned for him, took hold of his upper arm, and started dragging him along.
"You're hurting me," he told her.
"I don't care." And she propelled him around the corner to where they were presumable going to have dinner.
I was a little shaken by the whole incident. I'm not sure they were husband and wife. She seemed some years his junior, but that may have just been the difference in their general health. However, her callousness toward him was hard to watch. The opposite of love isn't hate. It's contempt. If I ever thought the DH felt that level of contempt toward me...life would not be worth living.
But I don't know this woman's life. Being a caregiver is grindingly hard, physically and emotionally. God knows, I couldn't stand up under the scrutiny of my worst moments. I can't judge her by hers.
Still, it made me sad and reminded me how very precious each moment is. As I'm nearing my 67th birthday next month, I know the future undoubtedly holds changes and unforeseen ends. Relationships are the most precious things we have in this world. To reach the "winding down" years and discover a primary relationship is not the solid rock of comfort and support you thought it was would be like descending to the 9th circle of hell.
Witnessing this small crisis made me so very thankful for my husband and the love we share. It's something we must never take for granted, but nurture and care for each other daily, whatever the day brings.
Okay, that was the "down." And now for the "up's" portion of this post...
We found Deck 9 forward and discovered that the running lights had been turned off. This was incredible. The sky was as black as the heavens were when we lived in Wyoming. We could see the Milky Way, something light pollution usually washes out, spilling in a river of cloudy stardust across the sky. David began searching for the Magellanic Clouds, which are actually a couple of small satellite galaxies that orbit our own Milky Way, but David decided they may still be below the horizon.
As dark as it was, it took us a minute to realize we weren't alone on that deck. It was hard to see each other's faces, but another man was there, considering the stars, and using a laser pointer to site them. We fell into conversation with him and finally David asked if he was a member of the crew.
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| Not this Olaf, obviously! |
"Yes," he said, "I'm the captain!"
It was our very own Captain Olaf, searching for the 43 stars sailors used to navigate by before the world of GPS. We were so excited to discover he shared our interest in astronomy and was curious enough to turn off the lights so he could see the stars.
We should have recognized him by his voice because he gets on the shipwide intercom at noon every day to give us our position, temperature, and updates on our Covid status, which is still holding at zero cases, Praise God! His Norwegian accent is so strong, that Captain Olaf (along with Uncle Torstein) could easily slip unnoticed into one of the DH's family reunions!
Anyway, after a while, he took his leave from us, because after all someone has to drive! And he warned us to be careful in the dark. He'd be turning the lights on again in a few minutes.
I won't be surprised if the captain does a more formal version of this stargazing at some point. Especially as we near the bottom of the world...
Tomorrow, we pull in to Panama City, another bit of terra incognita for us!
More soon...
Yes you’re right you can’t judge people after seeing just a minute of their lives, but I’m sure it was hard to witness. When the woman mentioned his scooter it really spoke to me. My mother in law needed a walker but she thought it made her look ‘old’ so she refused to use it shopping. I hate to think what people thought about me during some of those trips. I wasn’t always very patient!
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this blog I look forward to reading it.
I sort of understand how your mother-in-law felt. Changes in our physical circumstance can be an insult to our self-image. No matter how carefully I do my hair and make-up, the first thing anyone notices about me is the nasal canula delivering oxygen to my less than healthy lungs. But my Dad used to tell me if someone doesn't like my looks they can look the other way. I can't let vanity keep me from doing the things I long to do. So whatever help I need to keep going, whether its O2 related or a walker or a scooter or wheel chair, I'm determined to embrace it as a gift instead of a curse. It keeps my world from imploding on itself.
DeleteAnd as far as that caregiver is concerned, everyone gets frustrated sometimes. Everyone reaches a point where they can't deal and need to take a step back. I couldn't help but wonder if his health had been much better when they first booked this cruise. For world cruises, it's not unusual to book a couple of years in advance. A lot can change in two years.
I'm sure your mother-in-law appreciated your help. But Jesus was right when He said it's more blessed to give than to receive. She may have felt bad about being on the receiving end all the time.
Oh! What complicated messes we humans are!
Thanks for my daily chuckle. "I am the Captain" It was dark, I understand, but that is probably not a question he gets often.
ReplyDeleteTrue that!
DeleteOh, what a treat to have the lights on the upper deck turned off so you could see the sky in all its glory! I was lucky enough to have this experience, but now forget exactly which cruise I was on. I think it was a circumnavigation of Australia. As to the couple you encountered, you may have just caught the woman in a bad moment. It sounds as though she is dealing with her companion's dementia as well as physical problems. This can be very trying and none of us is perfect nor do we always respond as we should.
ReplyDeleteWE're hoping to have many more dark starry nights in our future!
DeleteYou're so right. I'm sure it was just a moment of frustration. We've all had days when it only takes just ... one...more...thing to send us right over the edge. In that instance, it's hard to take a breath, take a step back, and live up to our best version of ourselves.
thought provoking and a doorway into Appreciation for our loved ones - thank you for sharing these experiences - a reminder to all we Love and Know (hugs and travel safe) TG & JG
ReplyDeleteI need the reminder to practice kindness quite often. It's so easy to take the other route.
DeleteI am sure that incident was difficult to observe. But for the grace of health and a few years goes many of us. As another mentioned, perhaps it was a trip of a lifetime planned in better health. I don't believe Viking allows motorized scooters and we must be physically able to walk up and down the ramps on shore to be able to sail with them. I do believe that collapsable wheelchairs are allowed with permission. On a positive note, we have seen more sensitive and loving care giving couples then not.
ReplyDeleteYou are so let lucky to have had the running lights turned off! On our trip around Cape Horn we never saw the Magellanic Clouds or the Southern Cross because it never got that dark. Then on our December transatlantic we were SO disappointed in the ship's lights every time we went on deck at night.
I was under the impression that Viking didn't allow scooters, too, but actually, I have seen a couple of motorized scooters on board. I think what they really don't want is for guests to leave their scooters in the hallways. It has to be compact enough to fit inside the stateroom when not in use. And you're right. Most couples we meet traveling are each other's best friend and offer the tenderest of help to their spouse.
DeleteSince our captain has a personal interest in stargazing, I'm hoping he'll turn the lights out again for us.
Thanks for sharing the ups and downs of the voyage. A good lesson for all of us to take advantage of opportunities while we have the health and energy to do so.
ReplyDeleteLove that the Captain joined you for star watching and is still enthusiastic after many years at sea.
The fact that tomorrow is not guaranteed makes me doubly glad that Viking didn't decide to cancel this World Cruise. We're able to go now. And now is really all any of us have.
DeleteI love the story about the captain. As far as the other couple, I think I'd keep an eye out and perhaps alert the dr and nurse onboard that you observed the behavior. Yes, it is easy to get frustrated. My mom had dementia and didn't want to use her walker, she wanted to "furniture walk". We were lucky that she didn't fall. My husband now has early Alzheimer's and is very frustrating at times. However, safety comes first. No matter how frustrated you are, you can't leave someone who isn't walking well outside of an elevator alone, and you can't grab them and hurt them. Perhaps the doctor or nurse onboard could make a suggestion to the couple as far as a mobility device such as a collapsible wheelchair to make lives easier. It's a challenge for sure. I hope that things improve for them and they can enjoy the cruise without conflict.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your husband, Dobie. I'm sure dealing with his condition is hard for both of you. You have my admiration for your loving attitude, and you're right. It's not okay to hurt someone, no matter how frustrated we might become.
DeleteThanks Diana. We're doing OK. Scheduled for Panama Canal Ft Lauderdale to Vancouver in March on the Orion. Hopefully we will go. My big worry is being quarantined off ship separated in a third world country. We are very very careful at home. Weighing our options. It would be so nice to get out!
ReplyDeleteSo very sad about what you witnessed. That behavior is uncalled for. If she did this in public, think how she treats him in private.
ReplyDeleteNow for the positive… what a fabulous time you had star gazing! I remember one time at church you looked up and pointed out The Three Sisters. God bless you and Brian as you create more amazing memories ❤️